In March, we introduced empathy over eye-rolling as a powerful way to upgrade your conversations with teens about tech.
This month, we want to stay on this empathy train for a little while longer with something that happens to all of us: thinking traps. Thinking traps (sometimes called “cognitive distortions”) are exaggerated or irrational negative thought patterns. They’re normal and common, but they can lead us to believe things that aren't necessarily helpful or true.
"How Your Brain Tricks You Into Negative Thinking," a video we co-created and co-produced with Common Sense Education and the education team at KQED, is a great resource for understanding the ways our brains can trick us into thinking traps.
Here are some common thinking traps teens tell us come up related to technology and social media:
- Mind-reading: When you assume you know what someone else is thinking or feeling. Example: "My friend didn’t respond to my text so they must be mad at me.”
- All-or-nothing thinking: When you make big generalizations (Words: All, Always, Never, Nobody, etc.). Example: "Everyone I follow is happier than me."
- Shoulds: When you think about what you “should” (or shouldn’t) do or be like. We like to call this “shoulding” all over yourself. Example: "I should be getting more likes on my post."
On that note, here are some of the “Don’t Should on Yourself”
stress balls we shared at South by Southwest!
Although no magic button can turn these thinking traps off, here are some strategies we can use to help change the way we talk to ourselves when they occur.
Recognize the thinking trap |
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Tell yourself that you’re experiencing a thinking trap and practice talking yourself through the thoughts. An example may be, “Oh, I’m mind-reading right now. This is just a thinking trap that I’m having and I don’t know if my thoughts are true facts.” |
Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend |
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Imagine your friend was mind-reading, “shoulding” all over themself, or using other thinking trap language. What would you say back to them? Your response would probably sound more optimistic and patient! What changes if you talk to yourself the way you’d talk to a friend?
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Come up with alternatives |
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If your friend read a text and didn’t respond, instead of assuming they’re mad at you, consider exploring other possibilities. Maybe they saw the message and then their phone died. Maybe they are in the middle of a workout and cannot reply. Try to prove yourself wrong! |
Countering negative automatic thoughts takes practice, so be patient with yourself when working through thinking traps. Simply catching yourself in one and being able to name it is a great start toward shifting your perspective and changing your inner dialogue.
We discussed some of these thinking traps during our "Screens, Teens, & Wellbeing: Youth in the Digital Age" panel at SXSW last month. All month long on LinkedIn and Instagram, we're looking back at our experiences from SXSW so feel free to check us out there.
If you’re curious about learning more, here are links to additional evidence-based resources and to our report, "Teaching Digital Well-Being."
We’d love to hear your thoughts on thinking traps, SXSW content (including the stress balls!), and everything in between. Please reach out to us at digitalthriving@gse.harvard.edu. Until next month!
To better conversations about tech,
Center for Digital Thriving
P.S. If you’re a classroom teacher, you might want to check out the Thinking Traps lesson we created with Common Sense Education!
